Hey there, whatsup!
Now i would like to share with you, something i have been playing with for a long time and which helps me to reduce the tension i used to have when approaching a hot looking lady. As we are hardwired to look for possible sexual mates we, men, tend to “scan” a girl up and down real quickely to find out if she has all the sexual indicators, to fire up a certain feeling to make us want to go over and “talk” to her…with the intention of having sex in the end. Now i have noticed in the past, and this is nothing out of the ordinary, that every time i saw a girl that is sexually attractive to me, i allready start to have this tension, then, i decided i would like to talk to her…and the tension built up a little bit more…and more when thinking things like “damn…shes FINE!” “oh wow, look at those legs!” “oh my god her eyes…she looks so naughty” “i want to make her mine!” and so…
I noticed how i was already “investing” emotionaly in a person who didn’t even knew i was alive! And the more i invested, the more “AA” i felt. So that made me think “how can i control this? How can i make this less fucked up? How can i go over there with a more secure feeling?”
It made me re think everything i did before and during an approach and i started to experiment with a new “mindset”, a mindset that gave me such good results that i can now disregard the “3 second rule” and look at a lady the whole night, knowing what i want from her…*snap out of it* and go over and talk to her with a pretty relaxed feeling!
What i found out was the following:
-When i am in a restaurant for an example and i want to order dinner, i can call the waitress and discuss several meals with her, order my drinks, have a laugh and not feel anything.
-When i am in a clothing store, i can talk about clothes, fashion, whatever, with a hot girl who works there or who happens to stand around, and not feel anything.
-When i need to find the way to some place, i can ask any hot girl, and not feel anything.
-When i, actually need an “opinion” (without actively using an opinion opener) i can ask the hottest girl around, and not feel anything!!!
The reason why, is because i don’t NEED anything from her! At the moment i am asking for a sincere opnion, about several dishes and ordering my drinks…i have a completely different mindset than when i am actively “gaming” because then, i “might have something to loose”. And, i am not investing anything emotionaly! Im completely “blank” about her!
So what mindtricks am i currently playing with and how is this helping me?
When i see a girl walking around, in the club for an exsample, who happens to be my taste, i actually take my time to decide if she “looks” anything like i would want to hang out with…so i take well over 3 seconds, where normaly i would positively invest emotionaly in her, i now actualy scan for “defaults”. I know it may sound weird but let me tell you that this is POWERFUL!!! Just take your 1-itis, or like this hot model that you have been masturbating over for years as she is the most perfect thing ever! Lets take an exsample “Adriana Lima” now…shes HOT…but you know what…if you start looking for “imperfections” you WILL find them…and this WILL make her less attractive…just play around with this for a bit to see what it does with your preception of a girl you have always looked at as if she was the hottest thing ever!
Check this picture of Adriana Lima for an example, try to find 5 or more “imperfections” and you WILL find them (If you can’t find them, make them up!)…now FEEL…what it does to your “state”!
Also, instead of going over and thinking “i am going to open with an opinion opener but actualy i want to sleep with her asap” which raises a girls value right there and then…i condition myself to go over and actually start a conversation with her without even thinking of sex and making her something desirable!
These new ways of “acting” don’t work right away, but it does work! I conditioned myself to think differently than i have always done and let me tell you…now…i actually find women…kind of “boring” compared to before…like even the realy “hot ones”. They seem…just as normal as any other girl…and so…i hardly “feel” AA when approaching, in daytime or at night time.
When i go to do “an approach” i go over to find out if she could add any value to MY life, to see if she can qualify herself to ME…as she is just like every one else…and you know what…this improved my game incredibly! Even to the point where i now see how the realy hot ones…are approaching ME as i send out a completely different energy these days…i guess i can say it made me a more “Attractive Person”.
So i challenge you to try and play with these mindsets a bit to see how it will add value to you as a person. And feel free to let me know how it worked for you ok!
Good luck, and have fun!
Rick Dutch.
May 10th, 2010 at 15:52
Hey Rick !
I really like your blog, you have a lot of interesting stuff going on here. I like your article here in some ways, but i have a few questions mostly about looking for “imperfections” in women.
First, you don’t think it is ego protection to look for failueres in women ?
Second, are you sure it will not get harder, creating a real connection with a women if you do this ?
If you have to look for failures in women to overcome AA does that not say about you, that you are a little unsecure, ?
Does this mindset not sounds a little like “I don’t have high value enough myself so i just lower hers”
I don’t think YOU have ANY problems about theese ^^ theese was just the questions i asked myself after reading this artikel.
You are a big inspiration keep up !
Lasse
May 12th, 2010 at 11:39
Ah, these are some realy good questions!
1st: I dont look for “failures” in women, what i used to look for when i saw a woman that was “extremely hot” in my opinion, were things like “imperfections” in her fysical beauty. The effect of it was that my “inner feeling” didnt go as bezerk as it went beforehand.
So at 1st i would look at a girl, judge her as HOT, based on what i saw right there and then which made me go “apeshit”. As now i KNOW that even the hottest women out there have their “fysical flaws” so by recognising this i have conditioned myself to not judge them “HIGH” only by their looks. Their looks are still the most important thing at first but it doesnt make me go crazy as it did in the past.
About the “Ego protection”. Yeah, i DO think i started out doing this just to secure my own feelings, my own ego, but i had to go through it to find out what the outcome would be, and now i know. So it was a good mental tool to help me feel more relaxed and secure as now i am not “shocked and awed” by “beauty” alone.
As for your second question:
No, i dont think it will make it harder at all! And the reason is this:
In the past, i used to judge women, on their fysical beauty…ONLY! Then when talking with them, i would actively LOOK for signs so that, as i would find them, could say to myself “see im right, she is amazing” which would have boosted my ego straight up there as i could probably tell myself something like “im so amazing with women that i can judge how amazing they are just by judging her fysical beauty”
But…i would almost always find out, that a lot of hot women are so used to be judged on their looks that they have almost no “other qualities” simply because they have never had a need to developpe them. (i am not saying all hot women have no other qualities)
So i actually create MORE and DEEPER connections with women because yes, their fysical beauty attracts me at 1st, but i dont go apeshit because of that…i would like to get to KNOW them before i look at her beeing of high (sexual) value to me or not. I talk to a lot of hot looking women, but not many are of high value to me at all. And i found that because of this mindset, im not easely impressed anymore and not that sexually attracted to women that easely anymore…and it lowerd the feeling of AA in an incredible way.
About “Value”:
Yes, you are right, in the beginning i wasnt THAT aware of how my value was perceived and how high value of a male i realy was.
Subconciously i placed a women of beauty higher in value than myself, i saw her as a prize that I needed to work for. By trying to come up with ways to overcome this, i did look for ways to lower her value, yes.
And what i described above, indeed, is a way to lower another persons value. And it had everything to do with my perception of my own value.
By lowering theirs, it made it more easy for me to walk up to the ones that i saw as “high value”. It made me more acustomed and used to hanging around “high value” women and i was able to get to actually know them as a person.
Now, the perception of my own value is tottaly different as it used to be, i know now things about myself i didnt and the fact that now i dont “entirely” judge people based on their looks (i say entirely because to a certain degree i do, as we are still programmed that way) and that takes a bit of the “miss placed value” value away of a hot looking woman.
Now, i hardly see a woman as “high value” when i look at her, i might look and see something “sexualy attractive”, but i am more calm and collected now when i approach them for conversation and realy “judge” them after conversation, a good conversation, one where i could actualy get to know them for the person she is.
So all in all, these “tools” worked for me, it was a combination of several things that i tried that lowered the feelings of AA and makes it easier for me now to actualy just go and say “hi” or make a good and secure “eye contact”.
I hope this came realy close to awsnering the questions, if you have anything more, feel free to leave a reply!
Thank you for your interesting questions.
Rick Dutch.
May 29th, 2010 at 11:39
Hey Rick !
Thank you so much for your thorough explanation ! I really appreciate that you wan’t to take your time going so much in deept
Wish you all the best
Lasse