Rick Dutch

Hey you! I just wanted to let you in on a small part of a conversation i had with “Charming Rogue, Johhny (Gianni) Soporno and Max Karlstedt” about Approach Anxiety!

Here you will see a piece of the convo we had on Facebook and it’s filled with interesting stuff so check it out and get enlightend!

Johnny Soporno:

Overcoming AA is a non-issue once you satisfy yourself that you are worthy. ‘Approach Anxiety’ is an artifact of crappy socialization and poor parenting. That said, virtually everyone suffers from it.

Our parents cautioned us about the dangers of talking to strangers – ignoring that ~80% of physical and sexual abuse is perpetrated by people KNOWN to the victim! Now, as adults, we must overcome the misconception that ’strangers/foreigners/others’ are to be avoided, both in ourselves, AND in the minds of others…

The other painful inhibition is the fear of feeling rejection. This is completely overwhelmed once you know that you ARE worthwhile, and therefore your introducing yourself to another, granting them the opportunity to express themselves to you, is truly a sincere compliment!

I haven’t been rejected since the early 90’s, when I recognized I wasn’t approaching women to get them to like me – I was approaching them to determine if they were interesting to me. In other words, I wasn’t looking to them to affirm I was cool-enough – I knew THAT already!- I was giving them a change to demonstrate that THEY were cool enough!

Charming Rogue:

I agree with this approach, Johnny. It’s pretty much what a guy has to consciously train themselves to get over the pain associated with experiencing it. Problem is that the “fear” is so completely irrational that it is hard for most guys to “rationally” get rid of it.

Johnny Soporno:

Removing phobias and limiting beliefs can be managed ‘The Hard Way’ through cognitive behaviour modification, OR ‘The Easy Way’ through radical hypnotherapy (which accomplishes the same thing, ultimately, of teaching ones’ ego that they confront/do that … Lees verderthing which frightens them, harmlessly)

Guys like Steve Piccus, Hypnotica, Jamie Smart, and the like are wizards with this… and I heartily recommend their work!

Max Karlstedt:

Yes Gianni, it’s about a paradigm shift in one’s head.

The funny thing with rejection is that the fear of rejection is always worse than the actual rejection itself. It’s usually never as painful as one usually imagines it to be.

Another thing to the paradigm shift is to realize that it’s NOT always about sex. For example, you approach a woman and she is mean to you, this isn’t always because she didn’t find u attractive, it could just mean she had a bad day, “she wasn’t in the food for it”, in other words…

Another example, do u think your friend is ‘rejecting’ u if he is pissed off because his girlfriend just left him when u called him? Nope, u understand the context, and that’s what You should apply as well when it comes to women.

All this has helped me more than I can describe.

Rick Dutch:

I see a lot of similarities in the things that Gianni and Max are saying and what i am personally going trough since about a year. The moment i took a different approach, as in, the moment i looked at the approach in a different way, was the moment i felt more comfortable with it. Looking back 3 years, i did an approach and qualified myself to a woman, therefore i was always concerned with “will she like me” which basically puts somewhat of a stress level up there.

Nowadays, i look at it this way, and this is what Gianni has stated before, “how can SHE be of any value to ME” so instead of me qualifying to them, i make them qualify to me. Which makes the whole approach totally different, as in “more fun” and almost like un wrapping a “Christmas present, you never know what you’re going to get, it actually doesn’t really matter since ripping off the paper is basically the coolest thing. Then when you see what you have gotten it doesn’t matter what it is as it has been giving to you so you can always appreciate it…some presents a little more than others”.

Now, approaching is actually FUN!

And that what Max said: “The approach is more frightening than the actual rejection”

SO TRUE!

 In my opinion because “ppl” (and myself in the past) look at the whole approach in a way where they should be qualifying themselves to get the woman attracted. This means you look at yourself as a product for an example, that you have to sell in order to get those “thumbs up” from people as if they are saying “you’re such a cool dude”.

This is understandable though, lots of people have experienced things in life where they never felt important or wanted and so they come from a place of scarcity instead of abundance. Creating an actual “abundance” will probably/most certainly help people get over their fear of rejection too.

I also think that the approach of many dating instructors i have seen on AA are not always the correct ones, no offense, i love you all

I have seen MANY “coaches” kicking their students in set etc. telling them: “APPROACH! APPROACH! APPROACH! That’s the only way to get comfortable with it because that’s how i did it!!!”

but in my opinion this just creates more stress and LESS successes as i have seen people go in set so completely uncomfortable that the set they are in pick up on this energy and become uncomfortable as well, they sometimes do give out their number…for whatever the reason…only to NOT pick up the phone when they get called because this uncomfortable feeling is now linked to the name of the guy calling them! And so…yet another reference of failure for the “PUA” which will add more feelings of discomfort on his next approach!

So yeah, Creating a wider arrange of references for success will, in my opinion do more good as “being comfortable” with approaching has to do with more factors than just “approaching”.

Like, I know i am one sexually attractive mofo! (because now i have enough references to back that thought up) add a different approach to the approach up to that and you got yourself one lean approaching machine!

And now I’m going to stop typing…damn…sometimes great posts just seem to come flying by like an “HB outofthescale” on a moped!

So, i hope you have enjoyed this small part of the conversation that was going on, this was basically the best part and i thought i should share this with you!

Talk soon,

Rick Dutch