Rick Dutch

Hey you! I just wanted to let you in on a small part of a conversation i had with “Charming Rogue, Johhny (Gianni) Soporno and Max Karlstedt” about Approach Anxiety!

Here you will see a piece of the convo we had on Facebook and it’s filled with interesting stuff so check it out and get enlightend!

Johnny Soporno:

Overcoming AA is a non-issue once you satisfy yourself that you are worthy. ‘Approach Anxiety’ is an artifact of crappy socialization and poor parenting. That said, virtually everyone suffers from it.

Our parents cautioned us about the dangers of talking to strangers – ignoring that ~80% of physical and sexual abuse is perpetrated by people KNOWN to the victim! Now, as adults, we must overcome the misconception that ’strangers/foreigners/others’ are to be avoided, both in ourselves, AND in the minds of others…

The other painful inhibition is the fear of feeling rejection. This is completely overwhelmed once you know that you ARE worthwhile, and therefore your introducing yourself to another, granting them the opportunity to express themselves to you, is truly a sincere compliment!

I haven’t been rejected since the early 90’s, when I recognized I wasn’t approaching women to get them to like me – I was approaching them to determine if they were interesting to me. In other words, I wasn’t looking to them to affirm I was cool-enough – I knew THAT already!- I was giving them a change to demonstrate that THEY were cool enough!

Charming Rogue:

I agree with this approach, Johnny. It’s pretty much what a guy has to consciously train themselves to get over the pain associated with experiencing it. Problem is that the “fear” is so completely irrational that it is hard for most guys to “rationally” get rid of it.

Johnny Soporno:

Removing phobias and limiting beliefs can be managed ‘The Hard Way’ through cognitive behaviour modification, OR ‘The Easy Way’ through radical hypnotherapy (which accomplishes the same thing, ultimately, of teaching ones’ ego that they confront/do that … Lees verderthing which frightens them, harmlessly)

Guys like Steve Piccus, Hypnotica, Jamie Smart, and the like are wizards with this… and I heartily recommend their work!

Max Karlstedt:

Yes Gianni, it’s about a paradigm shift in one’s head.

The funny thing with rejection is that the fear of rejection is always worse than the actual rejection itself. It’s usually never as painful as one usually imagines it to be.

Another thing to the paradigm shift is to realize that it’s NOT always about sex. For example, you approach a woman and she is mean to you, this isn’t always because she didn’t find u attractive, it could just mean she had a bad day, “she wasn’t in the food for it”, in other words…

Another example, do u think your friend is ‘rejecting’ u if he is pissed off because his girlfriend just left him when u called him? Nope, u understand the context, and that’s what You should apply as well when it comes to women.

All this has helped me more than I can describe.

Rick Dutch:

I see a lot of similarities in the things that Gianni and Max are saying and what i am personally going trough since about a year. The moment i took a different approach, as in, the moment i looked at the approach in a different way, was the moment i felt more comfortable with it. Looking back 3 years, i did an approach and qualified myself to a woman, therefore i was always concerned with “will she like me” which basically puts somewhat of a stress level up there.

Nowadays, i look at it this way, and this is what Gianni has stated before, “how can SHE be of any value to ME” so instead of me qualifying to them, i make them qualify to me. Which makes the whole approach totally different, as in “more fun” and almost like un wrapping a “Christmas present, you never know what you’re going to get, it actually doesn’t really matter since ripping off the paper is basically the coolest thing. Then when you see what you have gotten it doesn’t matter what it is as it has been giving to you so you can always appreciate it…some presents a little more than others”.

Now, approaching is actually FUN!

And that what Max said: “The approach is more frightening than the actual rejection”

SO TRUE!

 In my opinion because “ppl” (and myself in the past) look at the whole approach in a way where they should be qualifying themselves to get the woman attracted. This means you look at yourself as a product for an example, that you have to sell in order to get those “thumbs up” from people as if they are saying “you’re such a cool dude”.

This is understandable though, lots of people have experienced things in life where they never felt important or wanted and so they come from a place of scarcity instead of abundance. Creating an actual “abundance” will probably/most certainly help people get over their fear of rejection too.

I also think that the approach of many dating instructors i have seen on AA are not always the correct ones, no offense, i love you all

I have seen MANY “coaches” kicking their students in set etc. telling them: “APPROACH! APPROACH! APPROACH! That’s the only way to get comfortable with it because that’s how i did it!!!”

but in my opinion this just creates more stress and LESS successes as i have seen people go in set so completely uncomfortable that the set they are in pick up on this energy and become uncomfortable as well, they sometimes do give out their number…for whatever the reason…only to NOT pick up the phone when they get called because this uncomfortable feeling is now linked to the name of the guy calling them! And so…yet another reference of failure for the “PUA” which will add more feelings of discomfort on his next approach!

So yeah, Creating a wider arrange of references for success will, in my opinion do more good as “being comfortable” with approaching has to do with more factors than just “approaching”.

Like, I know i am one sexually attractive mofo! (because now i have enough references to back that thought up) add a different approach to the approach up to that and you got yourself one lean approaching machine!

And now I’m going to stop typing…damn…sometimes great posts just seem to come flying by like an “HB outofthescale” on a moped!

So, i hope you have enjoyed this small part of the conversation that was going on, this was basically the best part and i thought i should share this with you!

Talk soon,

Rick Dutch

Hey there you sexy thing you!!!  How has your week been?! Mine was F-ing AMAZING!!!

As I speak with a lot of people who are into “this stuff” I get to hear about their successes…and their “failures” (There is no such thing as failure, take what u can get out of it and make it your success!) And something that I get a lot is that people feel as if they hold an interview when they are talking to others and no real input and feedback to what they are saying…it’s as if the people they speak with are just their because they are polite and don’t walk off because of that but aren’t engaged in the conversation.

So today I would like to talk a little about “INVESTMENT”.

Like Adam Lyons’ explanation, and this is the short version “A Ferrari which you bought from money you have worked your entire life for is more valuable than the exact same Ferrari which you won in the Lottery…even if the one you bought is a 2^nd hand and has scratches on it”

So how can we translate this into something we can benefit from?

When YOU invest into a conversation, like preparing it, reading about how to hold a conversation, taking action and approaching a person, etc you are INVESTING into the conversation! This basically means that this conversation has “value” to you because you put effort into it. Now the person who you are talking to didn’t do anything for the conversation so therefore holds NO value to the interaction. Now if the conversation ends, for some reason, who do you think will feel the loss more…it’s the person who put more effort in it…YOU! So in order to make the conversation valuable to the other person as well you would like them to invest into it, because then it becomes more valuable to them…the bigger the investment…the bigger the value. And to make it even better and more specific…when the conversation becomes more valuable, YOU will become more valuable because that person invested into the conversation with YOU! (Do you see where I’m going with this?)

How do you make someone invest into the conversation with you:

You can do this by asking the right questions for an example, like, if you ask a girl “So how old are you?” she would answer her age…and that’s that! A bigger investment from your side and a smaller one from hers.

Now if you would ask a question where she would have to do a little more work before answering it, the investment would be a little bit bigger! So a more intelligent question to create more investment would be, “How old were you when you 1^st realized you wanted to become a … “ (whatever it is she does for work). You notice that to answer this question she has to dig a little bit into her memory before she finds the answer to your question, she has to “work” for it…for you! And so the investment from her side is a bit more than when she has to answer a “yes or no question”.

In order for her to actually FEEL committed to the conversation by having invested a lot into it, you would have to make her invest quite a bit more than just an answer or two logically. To guide the conversation there where you want it to go would take a bit of “calibration skills” as you would have to feel where it is going. Like I would start out a bit shallow, throwing out a couple of different “lines” to find out what interests her and from there on work my way in deeper and deeper until I’m at the point where I can ask really deep questions where she, by answering them, would make huge investments.

Questions for the beginning of a conversation could be:

“You look stylish, when did you 1^st find out that you were interested into fashion?”

 “Ah, you are wearing matching ear rings! you must have been good at the memory game when you were younger?” she answers and you take it further:

“what other games did you like to play back then…do you remember THIS game?! Yeah it was so much fun! (here you are creating rapport).

“ What things did you want to be when you grew up?”

“What cartoon character do you resemble? and why?”

“You look like a bad girl! Were you like a “good kid” when you were younger though?, would your parrents agree?”

These are pretty simple questions where the investment from her side is not that big but here it allows you to find out who she is a little bit and where to take it further on in the conversation. Now further on in the conversation when you are actually having the chance to take things a bit deeper, come up with more difficult and deeper questions like:

“What was your most memorable childhood experience and how has it impacted your outlook on life?”

“Have you ever found that talking to a stranger can really make you feel relieved in some way as you can say things, to me for an example, that you couldn’t say to one of your closer friends as you might be afraid they would hold it against you where I wouldn’t” (Basically here you are saying, tell me your personal stuff!) then you take it further by asking:

“What’s something you could tell me but couldn’t tell one of your close friends?”

As you see the last 2 questions would take a little more “thinking/investing” from her part especially a question like the last one, which can lead to you guys really growing closer to each other as sharing personal and private stuff like this creates a bond!

So I suggest that now, you start writing down a couple of questions for yourself, a couple easy ones, a couple medium ones and a couple that go really deep so that when you are in an actual conversation…it doesn’t die because YOU don’t know anything intriguing and interesting to ask! Don’t blame it on “her being boring” when the conversation ran dead…take full responsibility here for your own actions! You want to be the “Socially Intelligent” one…then YOU should be held responsible for having an interesting conversation or not.

Now go and create some interesting things to ask so the lady has an amazing time with you by actually having a superb conversation with an incredibly interesting guy she wouldn’t DARE flake on afterwards because…lets be real…don’t you think all your flakes might have to do with you guys not having had an interesting time enough…with YOU not being able to really connect and be more interesting than any other guy out there?! Hey, I’m just saying

Now go to work!

Rick Dutch.